Standing out from the crowd

For many, many years, I’ve wanted to dye my hair a “not seen in nature” color.  I always put it off, due to being too scared.

What if people would see me?  What if they gave me unwanted attention?  What if they didn’t like what it looked like.  What if they threw insults at me because I dared to do something that brought me to their notice?

I kept waffling, but really wanted to do it.  The older I became, the more I wanted to do it.  The more I got into size acceptance, ironically enough, the more I had the courage.  As I started to accept myself more, I started to realize that it didn’t matter what anybody else thought about my hair color.

The tipping point came when a friend and I decided to do a dance.  A local group, Finding Our Voices, holds an art exhibition every year during April, which is Sexual Abuset Awareness month in some areas.   I’ve written about it previously.  This year, I was invited back to read the essay I’d read 2 years ago, and decided to do a couple of other things as well.

One of the others was the dance.  Let me preface this by saying, “I am not a dancer.”    I was talking to my friend (who is a dancer) about this new (at that time) song Fuckin’ Perfect, by Pink.  She encouraged me to dance with her for the exhibition.  It took her a little bit of time (a few days, hey, she’s pretty persuasive when she wants to be), but I finally gave in.*  The lyrics of the song include “I stopped looking for the critics, cuz they’re everywhere.   They don’t like my jeans.  They don’t get my hair!”  I decided it was the perfect opportunity to dye my hair.

After all, if anybody said anything negative, I could just say I’d done it for the dance.

I loved the hair.  Some people didn’t.  After I’d had the purple in my hair for a few weeks, I decided I would keep the hair this color.

This is me with the best view of my hair.

Recently, at work, I’ve been getting lots of notice about my hair.  Now, I work at a craft store, so I am allowed to keep my hair this color, and not have to worry about having a “professional appearance” like some people do.

Even so.  In the last week I’ve received at least 10 compliments on my hair.  The comments usually start out with, “Is your hair … purple?”   When I say it is, they say something to the order of, “That’s awesome!”

I know I am still taking a risk of people saying things negative to me.  I take the risk of them telling me to stop being so “out there”, to stop living.  To stay inside and hide and for gods sake, what is WRONG with that hair!  But I’m finding that I no longer care.  If other people don’t like my hair, my size, what I’m daring to eat when I’m not in my home, what I’m daring to do when I’m not in my home, well, as the saying goes, it sucks to be them.

I guess I owe some thanks to that surgeon who, so many years ago, was going to punish me for being fat by not doing what was necessary for my knee.  He was the catalyst, after all, for me to find the fatosphere and start on the path to learn self-acceptance.  Because really, isn’t that what this is all about?

*Even though I’ve done this one dance, I’m still not a dancer.  Although, she is trying to get me to be more of a dancer than I was.


7 Responses

  1. I absolutely adore the hair, it is one of the colors I have longed to dye mine, that, or teal. I think it is fun and it is so awesome that you have become comfortable enough with yourself to do that!

  2. That’s a gorgeous shade of purple. I would love to have purple hair for a while (but I work in an office environment—I’m trying to figure out if I could do just a stripe on the underside of it so it only shows when it’s pulled up a certain way).

  3. Nice hair! I like it!

    My teenage daughter is in love with wild hair colors and wants it too. I’ve come around to the idea somewhat. I just don’t want her to bleach the hair first so it takes the color better, and that’s what she wants. I think it damages the hair too much and is really awkward to grow out. If she still wants that when she’s an adult and can work it out with her employers, then that’s her perogative. Till then, nope.

    For now, we’ve done some semi-permanent hair dyes (with no bleaching first) that turned out pretty reasonable. They look pretty cool. However, over time, they can morph to weird colors, just so you know. It’s the grow-out phase that can be awkward.

    Our compromise earlier this year was to let her do some stripes on underneath layers. My hairdresser called this a “peekaboo” stripe, KellyK, as you didn’t see it straight off but it was apparent if her hair shifted. I did let her do a little bleach on that, since it wasn’t all over and would be hidden as it grew out. Then she applied a deep blue for the stripes.

    I have to say, I liked it more than I would have thought. It was pretty cool-looking and just subtle enough to suit me, while just wild enough to make her feel adventurous.

  4. That’s an awesome colour! Mine is currently bright orange (it was supposed to be red, but it won’t stick!) and I love rocking the wild colours. I just love messing with people’s perception of what a fat woman “should” be!

  5. Oooh, I love it! I’ve had purple hair for a few years now, and it’s so much fun. The funny thing is that I forget it’s purple, and get surprised when people comment on my hair. Purple feels normal to me now.

    I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. (Special Effects Blue Mayhem or Blue Velvet are my faves, they’re very blue purples.)

  6. you KNOW i love it, sweetie!!! 😀

    –she of the bright pink hair 😉

  7. Love the look of the hair.

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