After years of body image issues…

…I decide to take part in Boobquake.  It started as a silly thing, but has taken off in ways unimagined by the person who started it.

When I told Conall about it though, he laughed at first.  When he realized I was serious, he said to me, “You aren’t as shy as you pretend to be.”

It’s amazing to me that the man who has known me for the past 13 years would not understand what kind of a step this is.  Last summer was the first time I walked outside in shorts in years.  So, you’d think he’d understand.

Shyness has nothing to do with my clothing choices (although I am very shy when I first meet people).  The clothing choices I’ve made have always been about hiding myself so I didn’t inflict my fat, my ugly on other people.  Going outside in shorts was the first step in really believing that I don’t have to worry about what other people say about me, what they think  about me.  By deciding to participate in Boobquake, while I’m also laughing at the thought that any god would be so petty as to destroy the world, or pieces thereof, because women dressed immodestly (by certain men’s standards that is), I’m also putting myself out there.

I’m taking a stand and saying it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks of me or my looks.  That I’m going to dress how I want to dress.  If somebody doesn’t like it, that’s their problem.

Now if I can only find a way to explain it to the hubby so he’d understand.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy, just sometimes … dense.

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