Today I was talking on IMs with a long time friend. We don’t get the chance to talk very often any more, due to schedules and being in different time zones, so when we do have the time to chat, it’s nice. We both also have web cams, so we take the opportunity to do a web cam chat when we can.
While on web cam tonight, I was also drinking a soda. It’s diet soda, and I drink it because the regular sodas are way too sweet for me. I became so used to diet sodas during all the time I was dieting, I just can’t go back to regular sodas now. So, I took a sip out of the can, and my friend chastised me for it.
He told me that I was “bad” for drinking soda. That I should drink tea without sugar (he’s in the south, and sweet tea is the default there). Instead of telling him that I was drinking what I chose, what I liked, or any other of a hundred things I could have said that wasn’t defensive yet also told him what I eat or drink is none of his business, I asserted that what I was drinking was diet soda. I even held the can to the web cam so he could see exactly what the can said.
Yeah. I know. It’s none of his business what I drink. He doesn’t have any right to tell me what I can and can’t, and should or shouldn’t, eat or drink. If I want to drink 5 gallons of full sugared sodas a day, that’s my choice. And yet …
And yet, I found myself reverting back into old habits, explaining my choices, making sure people realized, no, I’m not a bad person for drinking what they think I’m drinking. See, I’m virtuous, I’m drinking this diet soda! No calories even! (And yes, I did say, in my haste to explain, “It’s diet soda, no calories!”)
I managed to make it through Thanksgiving without any guilt. I ate what I wanted, stopped when I wanted, and enjoyed everything I had. I didn’t get drawn into the whole “I have to diet after I eat today” or drawn into the whole “we have to really exercise more now that Thanksgiving is over, don’t want to gain any weight” talk that was going on in the dojo for the past week following Thanksgiving. And yet …
One conversation with an old friend, and I immediately revert to old ways of showing just how virtuous I am (you know, by not drinking the evil nasty high caloric drinks).
I still have so far to go on this journey. Hopefully one day soon I’ll be able to say something like, “I drink what I like” or “my food choices don’t make me bad or immoral”. At least, right now, I’m starting to recognize when I’m going back into old habits. And for now, it’s good enough.
Filed under: Uncategorized |