I still don’t know how to take compliments

One thing that keeps coming up in my life is that I don’t know how to take compliments. No, really. When somebody tells me I did something well, I usually start to show all the mistakes, or tell how it’s adequate but nowhere near perfect/what they were doing in the 16th century/some other reason why it’s not good.

Today, Conall and I went to the dojo, as they were doing more marketing. I love this dojo, really I do. Sometimes all the marketing they do to members frustrates me, though. Today’s marketing was for “Super Saver” for us to take double private lessons. We are already signed up for as much as we can afford, so the answer was going to be no. We knew that, Sensei knew that (told him so when he insisted I sign up for a slot), so everybody was on the same page.

Well, every so often I like to go girly. It surprises a lot of people when I do “girl up”, because the majority of the time they only see me in jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt/sweater. But, well, look at my life. Stay at home caretaker of my husband’s mother. Not too much opportunity to play dress up there. I’m pagan, so no church to go to once (or three times) a week and dress up for that. I get to play dress up for the SCA, but even that is usually simple tunic dresses and/or sideless surcoats on top of tunic dresses. The closest I get to “dress up” there is when I put on the head jewelry (I have a beautiful amethyst and quartz filet made by my heart sister, and a bronze circlet with some glass pearls dangling from it).

When I go to the dojo, I’m either in jeans and shirt or Gi. I mean, I’m going there to work out, I’m not going to be all dressed up.

Today, I felt like going girly. Yes, I still had jeans on, but my top was more dressy than I’ve worn to the dojo before, and instead of my hair being in a pony tail, I had my bangs combed forward, and my hair mostly loose, with the front stuff caught back out of my face with a silver barrett. Oh yeah, and I had some jewelry on (a white and red pearl necklace and earring set I made while back).

Conall and I walked into the dojo for our appointment, and Sensei J just about did a double take. He complimented my clothing, and then told me “wow, you are beautiful!” I just didn’t know what to say. He asked if I usually dress up, and I said no, just felt like it today. After telling me again that I looked really nice, we got down to business. He knew we’d say no, we knew we’d say no, so we did a lot of visiting that we can’t normally do around or during class time.

At the end of it all, as we were leaving, he complimented me again, and then said, “I know what it is that’s setting everything off so nice.” “What?” “The jewelry. The red and white pearls just make the whole thing.” I know I blushed. I mean … I made the jewelry he was complimenting so nicely, yanno?

I said thank you. At least I’ve learned how to just say thank you instead of saying there’s no way I can look beautiful or gorgeous or anything.

But I do have to say, it’s very hard for me to accept. For so much in my life, I’d been told how ugly I was because I was fat, that nobody would love me, that if I didn’t lose weight I’d have to settle for whomever was willing to look past my ugliness. To hear Sensei J tell me that I was beautiful …

I hope one day I will actually believe it when people tell me things like that. Until then, well, at least I’ve learned how to appear to graciously accept a compliment even when I don’t believe it.


Happy Thanksgiving

The turkey is stuffed and in the oven.  The eggs are deviled.  The pumpkin is pied.  The cheese is caked.

Only a little left to do before dinner, so I’m relaxing.

I hope everybody who reads these words have a day filled with warmth, love, and companionship.

Pictures, because it did happen

I know how it is on the internet.  People can say they do a ton of things, when they never do anything.  Hence the saying, “Pictures, or it never happened.”

Today, I tested for my yellow belt. 

The pictures are under the jump, as there’s a few of them there.  (I did receive permission from Sensei J to take and post the pictures.)

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Testing for Yellow

Today, I’m going to be testing for my Yellow belt.  I’m extremely nervous about this.

If I survive, there may be pictures (depends on if Sensei allows). 

Did I mention I’m nervous about this?  Well, I am.  Maybe.  Just a little.  🙂


ETA:  Test done.  I passed!  Picture post later!

Books and Covers

Yesterday, I took MiL for a hearing test.  She’s been loosing her hearing steadily for a while, and it finally affected her so much that she decided to see if there was something she could do.  As we were checking out, we were behind another older woman/younger (ie, middle age) woman couple checking out.  As obvious as it is that MiL and I are somehow related, it was that obvious about the other two ladies.

We all ended up in the elevator together, and while we were in there, the younger woman complimented MiL and me on our hair.  MiL’s hair is a strawberry blond, mine is an auburn.  I said thank you, MiL just smiled.  By that time the elevator had deposited us on the main floors and we all went our way.  Once we were in the car, MiL started fussing about the younger woman.

See, the younger woman had a buzz cut.  MiL was going on and on about how that woman was probably homosexual and couldn’t she see that we didn’t want any compliments from homosexuals.  I was floored.  What?  She got all that because the woman chose to shave her hair?  Right.

I’ve not been writing in this blog for a while.  I’ve been busy with other things, and learning how to juggle everything I’m doing.  One of the things I’ve been doing is Tai Chi.  The dojo I go to has increased group classes, giving me an extra day to be gone (from two hours of group classes to three), my husband has started taking Kenpo, so I’m often gone with him to his Kenpo classes, and I’ve started taking double private lessons as well.  So, at the dojo, this is working out to 4 hours of classes.  Of course, there’s time spent at home practicing the forms I learned in class as well.

In the last couple of months, I’ve had a handful of posts.  So imagine my surprise when I signed in yesterday and found a bunch of hits for this post I wrote last year, after I’d first started writing.  Of course, with the views, came the trolls. 

You know, trolls are remarkably unimaginative.  They think they are being all funny and new, and they are saying the exact same thing hundreds of other trolls have said (and who’s comments get deleted).  I mean, really, does anybody really think, for one minute, that I’m going to believe that Alton Brown commented on my post (over a year after I posted it) to be a concern troll?  Really?  Yeah, I’m not even a blip on his radar.

But see, here’s where the beginning of this post intersects with the rest of this post.  People read a post, maybe two, and see I am unashamedly fat, and think they know everything about me from that.  They tell me how I’m sweating to type up a post (because you know, all the exercise I’m getting by just typing, my word! it’s such an effort), how terrible my health is, how I’m being such a drain on my family and friends, not to mention the whole world with all the resources I must use up (because, you know, I’m FAT therefor I eat more and am so sick all the time I need to be at the doctor more often and and and and…).

Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I’ve been to see the doctor exactly four times this year.  One was an annual well woman visit, once to be diagnosed with allergies (really, at 42 I develop allergies?  OY), and two time for other things.  Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I’ve been going to a regular exercise program since the beginning of July, working out at least 7 hours a week (between classes, private instruction, and at home practice).  Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know a whole bunch about me (like I love reading, I am artistic by nature, I am a care-giver for my elderly MiL and provide 90% of her care in a week, that I’m pretty flexible, that I love purple … okay, with as much purple clothing as I wear, you might get that one).

Much like the woman who complimented MiL and me on our hair yesterday, if you jump to conclusions about me because of your close-mindedness, well, your the only one that looses.  After all, MiL couldn’t accept the compliment a very nice woman gave both of us about our hair.  She kept going on and on about how dare that (she assumes) lesbian make any comment on her appearance.  Me?  I had a nice, warm feeling that somebody liked how my hair looks, especially since all I did yesterday was put it up in a pony tail!

Books and covers.  People know the saying about them.  When will they ever learn?

Post love

I’ve not been here in a while.    Been MIA, so to speak.  I’m coming back with a great post from a friend though.  She is NOT a person who is a Fat Activist.  She’s not even fat (as you will see).  However, she’s up in arms.

Please read Blaming The Fat.