It’s easy for me to write about accepting myself and my weight, but it’s hard to do sometimes.
As much as I really do believe that I am not unhealthy just because I’m fat, I still have times of thinking about dieting. Or exercising more for the specific purpose of losing weight. Last night was one of those nights.
I’d had an extremely busy day, on my feet, doing things for almost the whole day. Until 8:30pm last night, I had only 2 hours to sit, and part of that sitting time was driving to Sam’s Club. Needless to say, I was tired and sore and stiff by the time I finally got to relax.
When I went to bed last night, my calves were burning, and as I was waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in, I was thinking about how I really needed to start doing yoga again. Well, that led me to thinking about how much weight I’d gained in the past year and a half, and thinking about how I really should probably try and lose weight. Since I was thinking about exercise, my mind naturally went to using exercise to do it.
I’d already established that I was going to start exercising two hours a day, starting today, before I realized what I was doing.
It’s so easy for me to fall into my old disordered behaviors, sometimes I do it without realizing I’m doing it. Like last night.
Yes, exercise is good for me. Restarting my yoga routine is going to help with the stiffness of extremely busy days. But going into a detailed plan of how I’m going to exercise two hours, and exactly what exercises I’m going to do is not good for me. That path leads to dysfunctionality for me.
The good thing is that I realized what I was doing before I got to more than just the planning stage. The bad thing is that I reverted to old behaviors at all.
The end result though, is at the end of a long day when I’m feeling bad because I’m achy and sore and tired, that I have the capability to realize what I’m doing to myself, and I can stop it. While I’m realizing I have a long way to go yet, knowing that I’ve come so far is a good thing.