I’m a member of a few different message board sites. I like the being able to connect with people in an old skool kind of way (remember BBS system of the late 80’s and early 90’s). One of the message board sites I’m on has a rant section.
Recently, there was a rant by a person who was tired of people (men in this case) coming up to her and saying, “You be perfect if you just lost x amount of weight.” She went on to discuss how she’d lost x amount of weight and more, and found that the men she was then attracting were even more jerks than the original “you’d be perfect” guy.
The conversation got involved (as they do) and tangents got made (as they do), but one thing that happened was a guy who kept missing the point. Part of the point the original poster was making was that if she was perfect, then she shouldn’t have to lose any amount of weight.
The guy kept saying, “But what if she’s perfect in every other way than this? Is it wrong of me to ask her to lose weight?” As this is not a FA place, the responses he got was mixed between of course he had the right to ask (for her health if nothing else), and not in any lifetime. He never could seem to get the concept that if there is something you dislike bad enough to try and get another person to change it, then that person isn’t perfect for you.
Everybody has their standards of what is aesthetically pleasing to them. I don’t like people who are too skinny, men or women really. I think the current trend of female movie and TV stars to be so thin you can count their ribs when you see them in a bikini is disgusting. I know this is being marketed as the “healthy” look and the epitome of beauty, but it just turns me away. Also, I’m not into people who are extremely muscle bound. Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was Mr. Universe really was beneath the radar, but the same man in Kindergarten Cop, where he still had definition but not so extreme on the muscles I liked. So yes, everybody has their own views, their own tastes, and don’t necessarily want to date outside of that.
But, and here is the point, if you really think somebody is perfect for you, but only if they lose x amount of weight, then they are not perfect for you. Perfect means just as they are. Perfect means you aren’t trying to have a project in a relationship. If you want a project, learn woodworking.
One person on that thread summed it up succinctly: I would have NO problem with someone telling me that they prefer someone fatter/skinnier/brunetter than me. I would have a problem with someone saying “I prefer brunettes, would you dye your hair brown for me?”
Rather than forcing somebody else to change for you (which will never work anyways, because if they did, they would just grow to resent you for forcing them to change) why not find that person who really IS perfect for you? Find the person who has the right personality, the right mesh of ideas, values, hobbies, and who already appeals to your personal aesthetics? Everybody would be much happier then, including the person who doesn’t have to hear “you would be perfect for me if you’d only lose x pounds.”